Sometimes it helps to know where we’re going, especially if we don’t want to stay where we are.

In the ever-changing landscape of the 21st Century though, we might not be sure about our direction of travel or where to begin. This article explores some key ideas that might help.

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If I was to ask what you want from life, you might align with the idea of common humanity: that, as humans, fundamentally, we all want to be happy, to be free from pain, and to live in a world where we collaborate with others, rather than compete. These are noble, understandable and practical goals.

Challenges arise when our striving for happiness and pain-free living – when our desire turns in to craving or expectation – leads to our suffering. We might focus on things rather than experiences, develop habit loops that keep us stuck, or engage in behaviours (like avoidance or “numbing out”) as a way of coping. We might also realise that happiness can feel ambiguous and looks different for each of us. So there’s no definitive map that assures our success.

Even so, we might create a plan, but in reality it may look more like a to-do list, including everyday tasks like: get a hair cut, pay a bill, collect the dry cleaning. This can lead us to feel like we’re coasting, all the while time is marching on. We might wake up one day, having spent years on those little things, wondering how we got to the age we are and what we’ve got to show for it. We’re often encouraged to start small but what if we need to make room for something bigger?

This is when some coaches may roll out the SMART model: they tell us to set Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time bound goals. For some people, this gives them a framework that may help.

However, the SMART model can feel problematic, especially if a person suffers with anxiety and, for example, the pressure of a deadline or emphasis on productivity or output exacerbates perfectionism, procrastination or burnout. (FYI, you can burnout even doing the things you love).

SMART might also be focused on what Dr Lisa Miller, author of The Psychology of Spirituality, describes as “achieving awareness”. On the plus side, this helps us plan, start a project and even study for an exam. But, with this, our focus may be too narrow, we become fixated on achievement and may never quite feel satisfied. SMART goals can miss a key ingredient – our reason for wanting what we do.

One alternative might include Hope Theory (see the video below), a concept suggested by Professor Rick Snyder who agrees that, yes, being specific and realistic is important in goal setting but that we must also allow for the inevitable obstacles we will face along the way – and, as far as possible, develop a contingency plan.

When it comes to a “bigger picture” though, Miller describes the importance of “awakened awareness”. According to her findings, when we embrace our innate spirituality, we literally see more and are able to integrate information “from multiple sources of perception.” We become “seekers” of our path, with a wider lens.

What’s Your Why?

Martin Seligman, often described as the father of Positive Psychology*, describes achievement as an important part of Well-being Theory – but only when it’s also aligned with a sense of meaning and purpose. In other words alongside Miller’s “awakened awareness” – the concept that there is something more, or “bigger” than simply going to work and getting paid. (*We can also thank humanistic thinkers and influencers like Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers and Erich Fromm for a focus on human potential.)

So, with this in mind we might focus on our Big Picture Goals (BPGs) as well.

We might think that a BPG is what’s at the end of the Yellow Brick Road, though really it encourages us to think about why we’re doing what we are: our intention.

If I was to ask someone why they to work, they might say to pay the bills, feed their family or for a nice holiday once a year – in other words the Big Picture Goal might appear to be to have “enough” money. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but when is enough actually “enough”?

Some people might say they have a sense of a “calling”, that they want to help people or to make a difference. Here the Big Picture Goal might be to self-actualise; to reach our fullest potential, what Maslow described as our ‘full human-ness”.

Either way, our career or occupational wellness, is just one dimension within the Circle of Wellness that we can explore as part of creating a vision for the future.

It can encourage us to think of each dimension as a step towards where we want to be while focusing on the bigger picture.

Here’s an example:

A young woman is about to finish college and decides she wants to pass her driving test. When asked why she wants to learn to drive, she might say “to get me from A to B” , but is this really the Big Picture Goal? This is where it can be helpful to ask why that is, ie why she wants to get from A to B? (When you can’t answer the ‘why’ anymore, you may well be at your BPG; if you’re not sure why, then it might be time to assess the goal.) In this example, the woman might say to maintain her independence.

None of these answers are “wrong”, she could have easily replied that her ‘why’ was to become a community midwife or a social worker, and a car may be a necessary step for that. However, the passing the driving test itself may be just one step up the Big Picture Tree (see above) to help establish what goal she is ultimately heading for.

Explore Your Potential

With all this in mind, here’s five tips that might help:

1. Be clear about your why not just the goal – and keep asking why. It’s absolutely fine to set a goal to find your dream job, but you might also ask why you want that particular career? Is your motivation to help people? Or is it to have a bigger house? And if you get the house, what then? (ie. the house might actually be just another step up the tree, not necessarily the BPG itself). If you’re really not sure about your why, you might ask a friend the question “What am I talking about when I light up?”; this can give you a sense of your values and what really matters to you. Importantly, keep checking in with your why now and then, to see if you’re still on course and haven’t got swept up in someone else’s why. If your Big Picture Goal feels like it might need to change, it’s another reason to check in with your why now and then.
2. Try not to be rigid about how you get there. As Snyder pointed out, there will be obstacles along the path and we can accept these as a natural part of getting where we want to be. We don’t sign a contract when we’re born that says everything will go our way – there is no manager we can complain to or ask for a refund when we don’t get what we want in life. That doesn’t meant we roll over on our difficulties or someone else’s behaviour, just that we acknowledge disruption is inevitable – it is what it is. Failure to process it that way, can also be a source of suffering: expectation or fixation on how things “should” be. It’s absolutely fine to set our compass, based on what we feel we want at the time, but that doesn’t mean we are then inflexible about how we achieve that result. If you need a university degree, for example, but get declined from the place you wanted to attend, what other options are available to you, to obtain the qualifications you need? If you’re quick to walk away from that step, then maybe that wasn’t part of your BPG at all.
3. Do the next right thing. Pretty much every day there will be touch points – space to make choices – that will either take you closer to your Big Picture Goal or further away from it. When faced with a choice, for example, and you’re not sure what to do, you might ask yourself whether the decision is aligned with your values or if it’s a fear that’s holding you back. If you find yourself getting muddled or confused (or conflicted), maybe park the decision for another day but with one eye on opportunities you’re presented with each day (see point 5). If a choice makes you feel small or silences you (or others), you might decide that’s not the step for you. But if something lights you up, expands you or brings you healthy joy, then you might decide to take another step towards where you want to be.
4. Spend time in nature or sacred spaces: Finding our Big Picture Goal can feel like a spiritual experience, especially if we start to think about our sense of purpose and the big questions like “Why am I here?”. But it’s important not to intellectualise it (eg. maintain a focus restricted to thinking, rather then including how we feel) which can cloud our decision making or judgment. Spending time in nature or sacred spaces doesn’t have to be a religious activity, but can help us get out of our head and into a more awakened state; you might find the answers then come naturally. You might also find ways to trust your intuition.
5. Look out for signs. When considering our big picture, we might also notice little synchronicities that nudge us tenderly along the way. We might be thinking about a job as a carer when a leaflet for a new local care home comes through the door. Or we’ve had a thought about doing a college course and a friend tells us about one that’s starting next month. This isn’t the same as the algorithms that follow us on social media, more about something meaningful that happens without an obvious cause. However, our tendency to notice this is more likely to happen when we are relaxed, rather than when we are stressed. Activities like mindfulness and meditation can be useful.

The idea of setting a Big Picture Goal shouldn’t be a source of distress though, and so a teacher or research might help you find what you’re looking for. It’s important to take care of yourself, especially if you make big changes along the way, and to find people who can support and encourage your personal development.

Remember though, whatever your life purpose is, no one can beat you to it – because it’s yours. So it’s ok to set your intentions, develop a plan if you want and move at a pace that’s healthy for you.

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Delphi is the author of Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, out now on Amazon and Hive.  You might also like Monday Mojo™. The Helping You Sparkle™ magazine / The Dreams Maven™ is part of the Helping You Sparkle™ portfolio.