Welcome to the Helping You Sparkle™ magazine – helping you find your mojo and get your sparkle back. Here you will find insights and inspiration on wellness and well-being, alongside food for thought. You might also like: Monday Mojo™ – a newsletter offering an intention for the week ahead.
This magazine is brought to you by Delphi, a qualified counsellor, well-being trainer and Author of Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal. You can find out more alongside other services available here.
In the early days of your learning, it can be particularly useful to keep a record of your experiences, to help you find out what works best for you (and what doesn’t).
Some people find keeping a record helps in the early days while they establish what time of day is best for them to practice, and for how long. Some people for example find meditating much easier in the evenings, whereas others manage to incorporate mindfulness activities in to their every day activities, perhaps as part of their Mindful Morning routine.
Where to Start
You don’t necessarily need a new or bespoke notebook, any pen and paper could do especially as you may decide to just to keep your record for a week to notice any themes (e.g. when’s the best time for you to practice). Do keep the pen/paper nearby (you may even choose to use the notes in your phone) so that, if you decide to do an activity, you’ve got what you need to record your outcomes nearby.
Say for example you tried meditating for 10 minutes in the morning, but kept falling back to sleep. You might record this for a few days to see if you have the same results, and perhaps shift your practice to the evening instead for a while. In the same way you might find that when you do a particular activity you have a better night’s rest. By keeping a note, you’ll start to see what helps your well-being as well.
You could start with a blank page and simply write the date to start with and then write any notes afterwards that you feel are useful to record. You could also separate the page in to headings, for example: date/time, how long you did an activity for (and possibly which activity you did), and how you felt afterwards. In the same way as I suggest in Answers In The Dark to keep a dream diary, to notice patterns in your dreaming, you might find keeping a meditation journal helps you understand the experiences you have.
Types of Experience
Sometimes people find they have really deep and meaningful experiences while meditating, especially if they do a guided visualisation. You may decide periodically to keep a note of these as they happen, to see if there is a pattern or if you find certain times of the day/month/year easier than others, especially if particular symbols appear.
You might also write down your mindfulness experiences, like when you saw a beautiful sunrise and allowed yourself to ‘be’ for a moment, so that you can see what types of activity help you remain present.
Remember though that the purpose is not to get meditation ‘right’, but to experience what it’s like to be “here” without judgement. Use your meditation journal as a way to work for you, and perhaps as a way to enhance your spiritual intelligence.
Delphi is the author of Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, out now on Amazon and Hive. You might also like Monday Mojo™. The Helping You Sparkle™ magazine / The Dreams Maven™ is part of the Helping You Sparkle™ portfolio.
Mindfulness is believed to date back 2500 years, to the time of the original Buddha, who was born Siddhartha Gautama.
While the concept of mindfulness has been around for centuries, it’s just as relevant today, especially for enhancing our well-being, perhaps as a tool for improving our spiritual intelligence.
Mindfulness is not a religion, but an intelligent philosophy. It’s a way of ‘being’ in a busy world.
In essence, it’s about giving our full attention to the present moment. If you’ve ever noticed a beautiful sunrise or the rain on your windowsill during a storm, you’ve probably already been mindful.
A key element of mindfulness is “non-judgement” , experiencing the moment just as it is without getting caught in a commentary about how we think it should be. This means we can learn to pay attention to a thought or feeling, without indulging a narrative about why it’s there.
Instead of pushing experiences away and then reacting out of habit, mindfulness invites us to notice what’s happening, so that we may learn to control how we respond when things are difficult.
It’s not a ‘cure’ for every problem on its own though and was never intended to be. Its purpose, if it has one, is to help relieve suffering. Alongside other strategies, it can be a helpful way of managing unhelpful thinking, regulating difficult emotions and living a more peaceful life.
Some people who haven’t tried mindfulness before may find it’s not suitable if they’re in the midst of a personal crisis; expecting to be able to tame the mind when you’ve never tried before may cause more problems than it solves. This is why a trained practitioner can advise and where personal therapy or a supportive social network can help. You may also find keeping a meditation journal useful.
What are the benefits?
Every year more and more research highlights the benefits of mindfulness and meditation. These include:
Effective relaxation
Reducing stress and improving mental health
Managing pain
Improving the immune system
Better sleep and reducing insomnia
Enhanced concentration
Lowering blood pressure
and much more.
Mindfulness or Meditation?
Mindfulness is the practice of being aware and is possible anywhere: whether walking, sitting in a meeting or having a cup of tea, you can turn your focus towards the present moment to experience it just as it is. It is sometimes referred to as informal meditation or “off-cushion practice” and is often done with eyes open. Mindfulness can therefore be done at home, at work, on the bus, in a busy supermarket, even in the dentist’s chair. You can be mindful for as long as feels helpful, though usually it’s spontaneous and may only last a few minutes.
Meditation on the other hand is usually within a specific time period, adopting a chosen posture, often closing your eyes with the intention to be mindful, perhaps with an awareness of the breath or the body. Also known as formal meditation or “on-cushion practice”, meditation may also have a designated space perhaps in your home; people often choose their bedroom.
If you decide to regularly meditate – the “on-cushion” activity – you may do between 10-20 minutes a day, but it’s a personal choice. The more you do (within reason) the sooner you may see some benefit. There are a range of mindfulness meditation activities and a resources area with guided practises (subject to availability) when you purchase my book Answers In The Dark.
Is Mindfulness right for everyone?
Mindfulness has many benefits and is scientifically proven to help people feel calm. It can also help to manage mild to moderate stress, depression and anxiety – it can even help us sleep better, which in turn may improve our dream quality.
One important aspect with mindfulness and meditation is to be trauma-sensitive – i.e. have an awareness of what may be triggering. In particular, people who have suffered trauma or have a severe and enduring mental illness may find it uncomfortable to turn their attention towards the body or breath. If you’re ever worried about trying mindfulness or mindfulness meditation, speak to your healthcare team.
Delphi is the author of Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, out now on Amazon and Hive. You might also like Monday Mojo™. The Helping You Sparkle™ magazine / The Dreams Maven™ is part of the Helping You Sparkle™ portfolio.
Music is like time travel; it can transport us to another time and place in our minds. It can also help improve our mood and put a bit of sparkle in our step.
In fact, research from Harvard University suggests music – and music as therapy – has many health benefits including connecting with others, easing transition into sleep (as a method of relaxation), finding motivation for exercise through dancing and improving self-expression through singing.
Below are some handpicked songs* that might lift your mojo.
1. Back to Life, Soul II Soul
Released in May 1989 and stayed at number one in the UK for four weeks, great track for remembering to occupy the now.
2. I’m Every Woman, Whitney Houston
Originally released by Chaka Khan in 1978, this empowering song was later covered in this Whitney Houston version in 1993, with Chaka on backing vocals!
3. Never Gonna Give You Up, Rick Astley
Just had to be done because Rick will never let you down. Released in 1987 and still a popular track today.
4. U Can’t Touch This, M.C. Hammer
The lyrics literally say to go with the flow; this track was released in 1990, and won an MTV Music Award the same year for best rap video.
5. Walking on Sunshine, Katrina and The Waves
Proper feel-good vibes in this track, released in 1985, and went to number 8 in the U.K. charts. In 2010, it was re-recorded to mark the 25th anniversary of the song.
6. Happy, Pharrell Williams
Released in 2013, it was the best-selling song of 2014 in the United States with 6.45 million copies sold for the year, went to number one in more than 20 countries including the U.S. and the U.K. A real pick-me-up song.
7. The Only Way is Up, Yazz
A feel-good message which was released in 1988 by Yazz, spending five weeks at number one in the U.K. – but first recorded by Otis Clay in 1980.
8. Lovely Day, Bill Withers
Gorgeous track of hope, released in 1977, the song peaked at number six on the Billboard R&B chart.
8. Moving on Up, M People
Nothing can stop you with this track released in 1993, the song went to number two on the U.K. charts, the best selling single for M People.
9. Reach, S Club
Ain’t no part like an S Club party which is why they feature in this list twice! This track, released in 2000, reached number 2 in the U.K. charts and stayed there for three weeks selling over 600,000 copies in the U.K.
10. Shiny, Happy, People, REM
Apparently written for a joke, this song was released in 1991, reaching number six in the U.K. singles chart.
11. Dancing Queen, ABBA
Legendary song, released in 1976. Enough said.
12. Parklife, Blur
This track even describes what’s good for your well-being! Released in 1994, debuted at number one at stayed in the U.K. charts for 90 weeks!
13. Proud, Heather Small
Beautiful song, the debut solo single by M People singer Heather Small, released on 8 May 2000.
14. Roll With It, Oasis
Cheeky entry into this top 20, this track released in 1995. When Oasis played “Roll with It” on Top of the Pops the same year, they were required to mime the song; so the Gallagher brothers reportedly switched roles with Liam pretending to play guitar and Noel pretending to sing.
15. Shake It Off, Taylor Swift
Tay always knows what to say. Released in 2014, and thought to be one of Swift’s biggest successes, this video has been watched more than 3 billion times!
16. Dance the Night, Dua Lipa
Ultimate sing-along-song about perseverence, released in 2023, a soundtrack for the spectacular Barbie movie and went to number one in the U.K. music charts.
17. Gotta Get Thru This
The title says it all; released in 2001, the song went to number one in the U.K. singles charts.
18. I Ain’t Worried, One Republic
A reminder to take each moment as it comes with this track, released in 2022, and used in the movie Top Gun: Maverick.
19. Can’t Stop the Feeling, Justin Timberlake
Put some sunshine in your pocket with this track, released in 2016, and the lead soundtrack to the movie Trolls.
20. Don’t Stop Movin’, S Club
Moving is good for your health and S Club has it covered. Released in 2001, and sold over 1 million copies in the United Kingdom.
Why not create your own music playlist to help you sparkle?
*This list was compiled with the help of members of my Facebook group. For the invite to join, subscribe to my weekly newsletter, Monday Mojo™.
Over the decades, there have been many ideas about what it means to “live well”; ultimately “good living” looks different for everyone.
But when thinking about wellness, a holistic view provides a platform to start from, especially when thinking about goal setting for a healthy and meaningful life.
While there has generally been a strong focus on physical health and more recently a person’s mental wellness – neither of these are a bad thing – one thing that often seems missing from the conversation is a person’s spiritual well-being. (I talk about the importance of Spiritual Intelligence here). In fact, Mind, Body and Soul are all connected.
This is where an adapted version of the Wheel of Life can be useful, to incorporate the Dimensions of Wellness including other areas like occupation, finances and spirituality. The dimensions or “pillars” of wellness can form a circle, because they may each influence another, and are a way of thinking about our Big Picture Goals.
There are many variations of this, and the Wheel of Life has long been used as a coaching tool to help people move forward and achieve success. The version I’ve created includes a number of different areas aligned with the Circle of Wellness that can also be used to create a Vision Board.
How to Use this Wheel of Life
Using the diagram below as a template, if it’s helpful, score on a scale of 1-10 where you feel you are in each of the dimensions and think about what score you’d like to achieve realistically in the next month/year or whatever achievable time frame you have in mind. Then, looking at your completed wheel, you could use this information to decide which areas will be a priority.
Keep in mind that many of these areas are connected, for example intellectual or occupational health can be aligned with spiritual, especially if intellectual or occupational wellness provides a sense of meaning or purpose.
Just because you score lower in one area also doesn’t mean that has to be your focus – you decide what will work for you. Example: let’s say you score six on physical health and four on psychological health, and would ideally like to achieve an eight in both. You might decide to prioritise your physical health, perhaps by starting Yoga, which in turn improves your psychological health.
Develop a plan with helpful timeframes and don’t forget to include what resources you may need – whether that’s talking to a friend, borrowing a book from the library, or starting a new course – to help you get ahead.
Have a look under this image of the Wheel of Life for some inspiration in each area.
The Wheel of Life can be a tool for goal setting
Here are some ideas (included in the Vision Board activity too) suggesting how you can work with each dimension:
Physical – this doesn’t just mean exercise; it might be lifestyle, and how well you eat and sleep. (If you’re having problems sleeping or having weird dreams you might like my book Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal.) Keep in mind exercise doesn’t necessarily have to mean a high intensity workout either, it could include dancing round your kitchen or doing some gardening. This area might also include how well you recognise your early warning signs that you’re not ok (like heart pounding, or shallow breathing) so that you can get ahead of managing how that makes you feel (see below).
Emotional – this area might focus on improving our emotional intelligence. Eg., how well do you know what you’re feeling when you feel it? Can you label your emotions helpfully and can you distinguish between feeling stressed and feeling anxious, for example? How good are you at reading your own or others emotions and responding helpfully? How good are you at managing your emotions?
Psychological – this may mean looking at the way you think and whether or not you have a noisy inner critic. How do you speak to yourself when you make a mistake and what changes can you make to treat yourself more kindly? (All humans make mistakes, so learning self-compassion can be key).
Intellectual – this isn’t about intelligence or how well you’d do in a pub quiz as such, but more engaging in nourishing conversations or stimulating work that feeds your soul (see Spiritual). Are there things you want or need to learn or improve to help you achieve your goals? Intellectual can also include a thirst for learning – what topics get you excited to learn about? Are there particular topics that fascinate you? Are you curious about the decisions you make and how (or why) you make them?
Social – This includes your tribe, the people you spend time with. This doesn’t always mean just friends or family, it might also include colleagues and associates. How would you rate your social wellness right now? Do the people in your life lift you up, or bring you down? This also doesn’t always mean going out and partying. You might decide to try a college course, take up a new hobby or start some volunteering. From the Intellectual perspective above, this might also include people you can have deep and meaningful conversations with, which can also be quite a spiritual experience.
Occupational – what do you want to achieve professionally? Do you feel appreciated and are you using your skills meaningfully? When do you feel “in the zone”? (Again, see also Spiritual). Do you know what your strengths are (in all areas of your life) and can you articulate them? Do you recognise the transferable skills you have between home (eg, from planning a meal to parenting) and work, like juggling diaries/managing money and conflict resolution? Occupational doesn’t necessarily mean paid work, so could mean volunteering too.
Financial – from being able to save money, cover your bills regularly, invest in a business, buy a house or clear some debt. If you’re struggling with your finances, you may also find these links useful.
Spiritual – this is not always about religion, it might be about where you feel most connected. It might also include setting an intention to meditate more, spend time in nature or improve your Spiritual Intelligence (SQ). What connects you to the world around you? This might also include your sense of purpose which isn’t always about what you get paid for (although it might be). Perhaps think about when you feel what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi popularly referred to as “flow”, the state of being “in the zone”. This might be when organising a family get together or engaging in a favourite sport. What are you doing when you feel fulfilled or as if “time flies”?
You may also now wish to include Environmental in your Wheel of Life, if you want to be more eco-friendly. Environmental might also include ethical choices when, for example, buying food, clothes or when travelling, but it might also include our literal environment. For example is your living space cluttered? Does it feel like a sanctuary? What can you to do improve this if needed?
The Wheel of Life activity, aligned with the Circle of Wellness this way, recognises that our well-being is inter-connected and that you can set goals based on which areas you may want to prioritise, and these may change over time. You can revisit the wheel when you need, in the same way as you can redesign your Vision Board as and when it’s helpful or adjust your goals as life changes. The important thing is not to put yourself under so much pressure that it takes you off course or slows you down. See the Wheel of Life instead as a springboard to take you towards the life you want to life.
Always do what’s right for you and if you’re worried about your well-being, have a chat with your doctor.
There are lots of ways you can implement mindfulness into your every day life, one way is through your morning routine. Here are some ideas that might help.
1. Tune In
You might be woken up by your alarm or perhaps you can just sense a dream disappearing from consciousness as you begin to stir. (In Answers In The Dark, I talk about keeping a dream diary so that you can write down your dreams when you wake up, if it might help.)
As you begin to stir, you might turn your attention towards your environment and what you can hear. It might be the weather outside or birds singing on your windowsill. Pause for a moment, and see what you notice.
2. Mindful Habits
As you move to the bathroom, you might focus on the basics, like deciding to brush your teeth mindfully. You could turn your attention, using the senses, to the sound of the brushing or the taste of the toothpaste. You might decide, if you’re having a shower, to allow the water to flow off you, washing away any worries, or turn your attention to the smell of any product you use to get yourself clean. You might treat yourself to a new bath bomb or shower gel to kickstart your mindful intention.
3. Mindful Breakfast
You might then turn your attention towards your breakfast, and perhaps set the intention to bring your full awareness of drinking your tea, or perhaps preparing and eating your first meal of the day in a mindful way. There’s a video below that may also help.
The benefits of starting your day in a mindful way may include feeling more energised, becoming more focused and productive at work, and calmer in your interactions with everyday people. You don’t have to do all the activities, you might start with one and see how you get on.
Delphi is the author of Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, out now on Amazon and Hive. The Dreams Maven™ is part of the Helping You Sparkle™ portfolio. You might also like Monday Mojo™– find out more via the button below.
There may have been a time when you were younger when you loved nothing more than to get out a colouring book and crayons, and lose hours simply shading in a picture. The notion of doing something similar as an adult may feel strange, but there’s real science that this type of activity can help.
We already know that mindfulness can be helpful, but according to Smiling Mind, mindful colouring is believed to have even more benefits for our mental health than reading. The research they quote says these include:
reducing stress
improving sleep
enhancing focus
We also know “play” can be helpful, to help us reconnect with doing something fun. Mindful Colouring might be one version of that.
What You’ll Need
You may already have some colouring pens at home, whether markers, ordinary biros or felt tips, but if you wanted to just do some shading (rather than specific colouring in), you could use any pencil and use this to complete your design.
There are now many mindful colouring books available too, with lots of different designs though some can be quite inexpensive. In case it helps, there’s a worksheet below that you can download for your personal use and print if you have the facilities.
Before you begin, decide how much time you’d like to set aside. It could be a few minutes, or as long as you have available. You may decide to switch off your phone, or at least mute your notifications so you won’t be disturbed.
When you’re ready, you might start with setting the intention to be mindful. Give yourself permission to relax and, if you can and if it’s helpful, take a few deep breaths and then settle in to the natural rhythm of your breathing.
When engaging in your activity, you may find that your mind wanders, especially if you make a mistake while colouring, or have a lot going on right now. Whenever you catch yourself doing this, remind yourself of your intention to be mindful, and return to the activity without judgement, perhaps with another affirmation such as “this doesn’t have to be perfect” or “I’m allowed to take this time for myself”.
Mindful colouring isn’t necessarily for everyone, but it can be a gorgeous act of self-care, especially if you particularly enjoy art or would find this a useful activity to keep your mind occupied for a while, so you may decide to give it a try.
Delphi is the author of Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, out now on Amazon and Hive. You might also like Monday Mojo™ – find out more via the button below.
Have you ever curled up in the evening, with a warm blanket, some scented candles and maybe a hot chocolate topped with marshmallows? If so, you may have already been enjoying the Danish concept of Hygge.
Roughly pronounced ‘hooga’, it’s also caught the attention of people outside Scandinavia, thanks in part to books like ‘The Little Book of Hygge: The Danish Way to Living Well’ by Meik Wiking.
What does Hygge mean?
Hygge is actually not an easy word to translate, in that there is no one word that necessarily defines it. Some align it with mindfulness, while others use words like authenticity or wholeheartedness to explain it. One favourite definition is ‘consciously cozy’. Although it’s a modern trend in Denmark, some suggest it has its roots in a tradition dating back hundreds of years in Norway. (The closest word to Hygge in Norwegian today, is perhaps Koselig).
Hygge can also be translated as well-being; this may be one reason the concept is often about creating a specific atmosphere involving things that make you feel warm, safe, comfortable and loved – indoors and outdoors.
“Hygge is about an atmosphere and an experience, rather than about things. It is about being with the people we love. A feeling of home. A feeling that we are safe, that we are shielded from the world and allow ourselves to let our guard down. You may be having an endless conversation about the small – or big – things in life or just be comfortable in each other’s silent company, or simply be by yourself enjoying a cup of tea.” – Meik Wiking
What are the benefits?
There are many reasons to engage in Hygge or living what’s called a hyggelig life. For example, practising Hygge could:
encourage warmth, well-being and comfort, both for yourself and others
create space to ‘be and breathe’
help us to embrace outdoor life; we know ‘nature therapy’ can be excellent for our health;
promote connection, intimacy and social support e.g. strengthening bonds between friends and family
be a path to happiness – for example, the sense of cosy comfort may release the ‘feel good’ hormone oxytocin. Denmark is described as one of the happiest countries in the world (coming second only to Finland in 2023), and some of this may be attributed to a lifestyle that includes Hygge.
What does Hygge look like?
Here are some examples of how you may enjoy a Hygge moment (or two):
a coffee with a friend
fairy lights and/or candles in your living space
sitting in front of a fireplace and being present with a good book
completing a gratitude journal
spending time with people you love
tending to a garden
stroking a pet
enjoying some home made food
You may at first think Hygge sounds self-indulgent because, in other parts of the western world, to make room for things that bring us joy may feel ‘selfish’. But spending quality time with those we love and enjoying simple pleasures, gives us permission to “indulge” in a way that’s good for us. (To do anything to excess, by the way, is not hyggelig.)
“Once you begin to embrace hygge, it becomes not only a style but a mindset. It encourages you to see the world differently, not through what you acquire or achieve but through how you can appreciate and take part in the small joys of life. As with Eastern concepts of mindfulness and meditation, hygge encourages you to stay in the present, enjoying what you have with loved ones and spending your time qualitatively not quantitively.” – Barbara Hayden, Unlock the Danish Art of Coziness and Happiness
The Importance of Connection
A wonderful thing that Hygge offers is recognising the value of play and time in the company of those we care about. This might be through playing board games, crafting something in the snow together in winter, or even inviting people round for a “pantry party” – ask those you care about to bring an ingredient from home and then cook the items together, enjoying the experience of planning and preparing food. (You may wish to co-ordinate, just to make sure it produces something edible!).
Hygge, ultimately, gives us permission to prioritise our well-being. Even if it’s not something you decide to do regularly, Hygge reminds us that it’s ok to treat yourself, especially when it’s a restorative act of self-care.
This article explores what journalling is, how it might help and where you might start. Journalling isn’t always right or helpful for everyone, especially if your mood is low or it creates more anxiety; do what’s right for you. If things are difficult right now, these links might help.
What is Journalling?
You’ve probably seen the benefits of journalling promoted, to maintain and sustain mental health and well-being.
This is because journalling can be a useful way of getting what’s in your head out in the open (or at least on to paper). For some people, this gives them a sense of clarity and helps them decide what inspired action steps to take next.
We don’t always have to use a journal for our mood though (although mood trackers are common, see below) – you can also use it for things like monitoring your water intake or on a bigger scale, to create a vision for the future.
Here’s some ideas for where to start.
Different Types of Journalling
There are many reasons someone might start a journal and keep one in different ways. For example:
Monitoring wellness: eg, exercise, water intake or mood. This can be useful to notice things like if or how your diet affects how you feel. For example, some people notice, through keeping track, that their mood or energy slumps early afternoon and this may be because of high sugar content products they’ve consumed at lunch. You might start to notice you get a headache if you don’t drink enough water. Monitoring of this nature should be useful – not unhealthy – so if you find it’s become a consuming ritual, then speak to a doctor or healthcare professional who can help.
Following a loss or bereavement. Some people find writing a journal helps them process their feelings meaningfully, after things like a break up or the death of a loved one. One of the things I talk about in Answers In The Dark is that grief doesn’t just belong to death; we can grieve for anything that mattered to us that’s no longer there. Journalling can help with this in mind to explore how loss is showing up for us and what might help.
As a memory book. You might decide to use your journal as a “scrap book” and keep souvenirs like concert tickets, magazine articles or other mementos to treasure for posterity. This may work well alongside navigating loss, as described above.
Practising gratitude. It might be useful to write a list every day of things you’re glad about. This could be anything from the socks you wear to keep your feet warm in winter, to the job you do, the food in your fridge or the friends you have. The intention of this is to help you smile and boost your mood, not to imply you’re ungrateful for anything.
Keeping a meditation record. Some people find it helpful, especially in the early days of learning about mindfulness and meditation, to record their experiences. There’s an longer article with more detail here.
Reflective Questioning. This can be particularly helpful if you’re considering a big change or exploring your life purpose. Questions might include asking what you want to achieve, why and how you plan to get it. For example, you could ask yourself: “What am I doing when I’m at my happiest; who am I with?” “What will my life look like if I keep doing what I’m doing now?” “What small change could I make that will enhance my well-being?” This can also work nicely alongside therapy; you might ask your counsellor to give you some more tips.
Goal setting, mind-mapping and creating plans. Some might keep a journal to help them focus on their long-term plan, or they may break it down day by day (like a to-do list). You could start at the front of your journal with a two-page mind map of where you’d like to be in a year’s time, in alignment with your values, and then the following pages broken down by quarter, or month by month – each page after that offering an action plan for the goals you have. This can be used alongside the reflection questions above. You could also use the pillars of wellness as described here to help you prioritise. For example you could “rate” on a scale of 1-10 where you feel you are, and where you’d like to be, in your spiritual or social well-being.
You could also use your journal as a way of keeping a dream diary. I explain in Answers In The Dark this can be a helpful way of spotting patterns in your dreaming, to help you understand why you dream what you do, and when.
There are a number of different journalling products available now, including ready-made notebooks with bullet points (“bullet journalling” options can range from dot pages, blank or lined) but you could also use an ordinary notebook and draw/design each page to suit your needs. Some people enjoy choosing different coloured pens or washi tapes to mark different pages, create borders and headings for each different topic you want to explore.
There are some journalling apps if you’d rather not use paper and pen, or you could create a word document or voice note on your laptop or phone. One main difference between using technology versus paper and pen, is that you can password protect the former, though padlocked journals are also available.
Ways to Journal
There’s a number of reasons listed above about why you might keep a journal, but there’s also different ways you can record the things that are important.
For example, you might use check boxes (eg. one for every day) to monitor exercise, or water drops to both motivate drinking more water, or just ticking off what you’ve achieved.
In the same way, mood might be recorded by symbols of the weather (sunshine for up, rain for down), or different colours depicting how you feel. Because we are all so different you pick which colours resonate with you.
You could also set your goal or word for the day, three things you want to achieve or do a self-care check-in each morning like the one I talk about this in Answers In The Dark; there’s a video on this below.
You could also use your journal to write something at the end of the day, like another self-care check-in, or what you’re grateful for and three things you feel went well. Some people may find it more helpful to draw, so leave space for that where words are less easy to come by.
Journalling doesn’t have to be daily, especially if time is a premium, so you could do this weekly if you prefer. You might also decide to set a time limit on your writing, if that helps like a maximum of 10 minutes a day. There is an example template here that might give you some more ideas.
Keep your journal somewhere safe and accessible so that you can record observations as and when it’s helpful. You might also find it useful to get into a routine, for example setting particular time(s) of day that you’ll use it.
You can really tailor your journalling to suit your needs, so it’s important to be clear about why you want from this activity.
Most of all, don’t use your journal as another way to beat yourself up. Show yourself compassion, remain non-judgemental towards your writing or journal entries and use it as a powerful tool to help you move towards the life you want to live.
For a while now, there’s been an acronym to describe the fear of missing out: FOMO.
This is most commonly used to describe the feelings we may get, if we believe we’ll miss an opportunity or won’t get to experience something others are doing. It can also show up as anxiety, if we constantly compare ourselves to others, what they have and what they do.
This can be problematic of course, because it might mean we may negatively self-rate ourselves and determine we are “not good enough” because we’re not doing All The Things. We might even take risks that aren’t necessary, say yes when we mean no, or over commit when we actually need a break. Ironically, our FOMO can mean we ultimately miss out because we’ve burnt out (I touch on this a bit more on p. 28 of Answers In The Dark.)
The opposite of this has now been described as JOMO – the Joy of Missing Out.
What is JOMO?
Oxford Languages describes it as:
– pleasure derived from living in a quiet or independent way without feeling anxious that one is missing out on exciting or interesting events that may be happening elsewhere.
Oxford Languages definition of JOMO
JOMO is predominantly experienced when we are glad to be missing out on things which other people readily engage with, especially something that’s popular.
Say for example, there’s a computer game everyone’s playing, a debate on Twitter that’s got Tweeters talking, or a new movie (like Barbie or Oppenheimer) that everyone is busting to see; with JOMO you take some pleasure in deciding not to join in.
It can provide a sense of satisfaction, contentment and possibly even relief in giving yourself permission not to participate. This doesn’t mean you’re a party pooper or a spoilsport – you don’t mind what other people do – it’s more about making a conscious choice not to indulge, because it serves your well-being.
The research supports this.
When billions of consumers found themselves unexpectedly without Facebook when there was a six hour outage across the meta platform (including Insta and WhatsApp), researchers found that some people actually saw staying away from social media as a positive experience.
How to Experience JOMO
If you feel that JOMO might be something you want to try or appreciate the benefits, here are some ideas:
1. Appreciate your time. If you tend to be busy and active with little rest, and especially if that means consistently keeping other people happy, you might want to reflect on how you’re spending your time and if that will work for you long term. Valuing the time you have, especially when you’re not at work, can make you choose more wisely what you do – or don’t do.
2. Connect with what matters. In order to decide what you want to say yes (or no) to, have a think about where you want to spend your time and energy. Write a list of things that bring you joy, or help put a bit of sparkle in your step, then see if or how you can prioritise them. It might be a hobby like photography, or enjoy some well-deserved self-care.
3. Learn to say no. It’s a short word, but sometimes the hardest to say. Find ways to say no and set boundaries that you’re comfortable with such as “Thank you, perhaps next time” or “that doesn’t work for me, but do ask me again”. Don’t feel you have to explain that you don’t want to participate; your no is valid, especially when it’s for the benefit of your health.
Remember, JOMO isn’t about being stubborn or saying no for the sake of it, it’s about prioritising your time particularly if you need a break or if FOMO has taken hold. We don’t have to do everything all the time, and especially not because everyone else is. You’re allowed to feel glad about things you give yourself permission not to do, as much as the things you do.
In Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, the subject of dreams is explored and in particular how they show up for us when we’re going through a difficult time.
Here’s three videos that explore different areas around dreaming, that might help you begin your own journey of discovery, including how dreams might be useful for you.
WHAT ARE DREAMS?
Probably one of the most common dreams I get asked when I go on TV and Radio. In this video I explain how I describe dreams and how they might help.
COMMON DREAMS
In this video I talk about three common and recurring dreams that people might have: falling, losing teeth and being chased. There are lots of others though, which is why keeping a dream diary can help.
TIPS FOR KEEPING A DREAM DIARY
In this video I give a tip for keeping a dream diary. All this and more is explored in Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal. Out now on Amazon and Hive
Delphi is a counsellor, speaker and mindfulness practitioner. She is the author of Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, out now on Amazon and Hive. (#1 Best Seller on Amazon for its category.) For more services to help you find your mojo and get your sparkle back, visit HelpingYouSparkle.com
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