In a world that’s getting busier and more polarised, we can find ourselves in increasingly cluttered and chaotic spaces. Finding time to create or seek out places to retreat can be useful for the mind, body and soul.

As we begin to understand the science of trauma and particularly the role of Vagal Tone, the Window of Tolerance, and safety, it can be important to reflect on the spaces we occupy.

In workplaces, for example, we need to consider the importance of quiet spaces, and how some people do their best work when they can avoid intense energy, stimulation and noise.

Similarly we know, when stressed, that people can’t take in new information. It’s one of the reasons I write passionately about why we need to let the icebreaker go in adult learning environments. People learn and process when they feel safe, not when they’re forced to participate in “fun”, or think about telling two truths and a lie. (Note, if any activity is forced, it’s probably more about power, than it is fun).

In a world bustling with voices, the solitude of one’s own company becomes a sanctuary. When everything around you craves your presence, the wisdom of being alone shines brightest. Embrace the quiet, for in it, you find the true essence of peace.

Jonathan Harnisch

For some people, time spent in solitude is a way to achieve peace, for others it’s a 25 mile bike ride. Sanctuary then, like self-care, will look different for everyone, but a universal ingredient is also likely to be safety.

In Answers In The Dark, I talk about having a routine before bedtime that may include rituals that help you feel safer. This might start with checking doors are locked, but also leaving your phone in another room, to avoid the “outside world” intruding via pings, rings and dings.

Sanctuary is often described as a refuge. It can give us time to process difficult emotions or challenging experiences like grief and bereavement, or help us wind down after a busy day. It’s creating a safe space to retreat.

Tips on Creating a Personal Sanctuary

Here’s some other ideas to reflect upon that might help:

1. Create Your Space: Maybe take some time to think about what sanctuary would feel like for you. For some people, it’s the coziness of home that can be achieved through concepts like Hygge, whereas for others it could be engaging in nature activities like Shinrin Yoku or practices like mindfulness and meditation.
2. Check The Energy: Consider if there is a space or particular corner in your home that you could set aside for rest rituals, relaxation or just “time out”. One activity you could try is sitting for a moment in each corner of the room and facing different directions (like north, east, south and west). See how the energy feels in the room and then perhaps decorate it with objects (crystals, candles, colourful cushions or a favourite picture) that create a sense of peace and well-being.
3. Rituals for Rest: You could have a think about a night-time ritual, as well as whether your bedroom environment creates space for sanctuary. This might include things like checking the bedroom temperature (18 degrees Celsius might feel cool but can be calming), along with whether the lighting is abrasive or offers a warm sense of comfort.
4. It might be time to set some boundaries, if other people are getting in the way of peace and solitude. It’s ok to give yourself permission to rest, especially as prioritising self-care can model healthy behaviours for others and give them a permission slip to recharge too.
5. Music Can Help: Sometimes it’s not possible to shut out the outside world, which is where music can be so helpful. You might treat yourself to new headphones to create your own personal sanctuary even when on the move. Here is a list of songs that might help you sparkle.

Remember that sanctuary is different for everyone, so have a think about what would work for you. Above all, remember that you matter, and that rest is a right not a reward. You’re allowed to create and occupy spaces that feel safe and help you achieve balance and peace.

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Delphi is the author of Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, out now on Amazon and Hive.  The Helping You Sparkle™ magazine is part of the Helping You Sparkle™ portfolio. References to third parties does not endorse their content. Please read these policies for details. 

Copyright Delphi Ellis 2025