For a while now, there’s been an acronym to describe the fear of missing out: FOMO.

This is most commonly used to describe the feelings we may get, if we believe we’ll miss an opportunity or won’t get to experience something others are doing. It can also show up as anxiety, if we constantly compare ourselves to others, what they have and what they do.

This can be problematic of course, because it might mean we may negatively self-rate ourselves and determine we are “not good enough” because we’re not doing All The Things. We might even take risks that aren’t necessary, say yes when we mean no, or over commit when we actually need a break. Ironically, our FOMO can mean we ultimately miss out because we’ve burnt out (I touch on this a bit more on p. 28 of Answers In The Dark.)

The opposite of this has now been described as JOMO – the Joy of Missing Out.

What is JOMO?

Oxford Languages describes it as:

– pleasure derived from living in a quiet or independent way without feeling anxious that one is missing out on exciting or interesting events that may be happening elsewhere.

JOMO is predominantly experienced when we are glad to be missing out on things which other people readily engage with, especially something that’s popular.

Say for example, there’s a computer game everyone’s playing, a debate on Twitter that’s got Tweeters talking, or a new movie (like Barbie or Oppenheimer) that everyone is busting to see; with JOMO you take some pleasure in deciding not to join in.

It can provide a sense of satisfaction, contentment and possibly even relief in giving yourself permission not to participate. This doesn’t mean you’re a party pooper or a spoilsport – you don’t mind what other people do – it’s more about making a conscious choice not to indulge, because it serves your well-being.

The research supports this.

When billions of consumers found themselves unexpectedly without Facebook when there was a six hour outage across the meta platform (including Insta and WhatsApp), researchers found that some people actually saw staying away from social media as a positive experience.

How to Experience JOMO

If you feel that JOMO might be something you want to try or appreciate the benefits, here are some ideas:

1. Appreciate your time. If you tend to be busy and active with little rest, and especially if that means consistently keeping other people happy, you might want to reflect on how you’re spending your time and if that will work for you long term. Valuing the time you have, especially when you’re not at work, can make you choose more wisely what you do – or don’t do.

2. Connect with what matters. In order to decide what you want to say yes (or no) to, have a think about where you want to spend your time and energy. Write a list of things that bring you joy, or help put a bit of sparkle in your step, then see if or how you can prioritise them. It might be a hobby like photography, or enjoy some well-deserved self-care.

3. Learn to say no. It’s a short word, but sometimes the hardest to say. Find ways to say no and set boundaries that you’re comfortable with such as “Thank you, perhaps next time” or “that doesn’t work for me, but do ask me again”. Don’t feel you have to explain that you don’t want to participate; your no is valid, especially when it’s for the benefit of your health.

Remember, JOMO isn’t about being stubborn or saying no for the sake of it, it’s about prioritising your time particularly if you need a break or if FOMO has taken hold. We don’t have to do everything all the time, and especially not because everyone else is. You’re allowed to feel glad about things you give yourself permission not to do, as much as the things you do.

Copyright Delphi Ellis 2023